efes pilsen one love festival - 4

at last, what i wore...

denim shirt / from a local shop's men's section

striped top / h&m

black shorts / my aunt's olds

lace boots / from a local store

belt / from a second hand store in izmit - agraf

necklace / vintage

bag / kokosh outlet - amazing seller - one of my favourite bags it is!

glasses / flea market

i talked to my boss bout quitting my job.

but he really is not happy about it. how can he, there are at least 10 projects are waiting in line to be done and i am the only architect there in the office. pfff, he said in july i wont be able to get out of office before 10 pm.

we agreed on me working for another month, (i just cant leave people who wants some help) as you see. then in august i'll be free to do what i fancy.

for now, i am totally feeling unhappy, and down.

i feel alone. my mom keeps annoying me all the time. when we start talkin, after 2 sentences we nearly start shouting at each other. she is so pessimistic and i never understand that and i never will. that's why we keep arguing.

she is always so dramatic and she is always trying to see the worst parts of this life.

i dont get why, and i never will,

the thing is; i dont wanna get why! why should i?

being pessimistic is self destruction!

if you lived here you'd probably go mad.

i miss the days that i used to live in my own house.

imagine yourself coming home tired at 10 pm, mom always thinks and talks pessimistic. tells you to be the founder of your own office, build fucking stupid ordinary shit buildings , not to design anything and gain lots and tons of money.

she talks about it everyday, and when i say i dont want it she starts shouting at me!

well, i dont want it!

i hate people like that!

i'd rather die!

i'd rather work in burger king!

this place called my home, is death i tell you.

i wanna run away. so so so far away. and i dont wanna turn back.

i am so sick and tired of them, the way they see the life, i dont get it!

i want to sing songs and i want to dress,

i want to design, i want to read, i want to learn, i want to see,

i want to live! i want to feel that i'm alive!

i dont wanna feel like i'm like 80 years old.

i am sick of people telling me i should to this or that,

or crying in front of me for dramatic stage effects,

well i dont buy it, i hate it!

the thing is, that's why i always wanted to grow up when i was a child, coz this house these people were always like this,

and even for a childish perspective, i was tired of them.

now i am grown up enough, to die penniless.

and i am happy with that!